Silly Stuff

FANNIE HURST WED; HID SECRET 5 YEARS
Sailed Into Matrimony With Pianist “in a Bark of Their Own Designing,” LIVE APART, THEIR OWN WAY Meet by Appointment—It’s a New Method Which Rejects “Antediluvian Custom.”

In the story, Hurst explained that she considered nine out of 10 marriages to be “sordid endurance tests, overgrown with the fungi of familiarity and contempt,” and that by living separately from her husband, she was able to keep her most sacred relationship a “high-sheen damask” rather than a “breakfast cloth, stale with soft-boiled egg stains.”

Know, first, who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly.

“Action”: Now 100% Conflict-Free!

“I am going to find out if there is an action in which there is no conflict.” JKrishnamurti

In and out of practice, teaching, waking and dreaming, I have been exploring the idea of conflict-free action.

Being free of external conflict tends to come pretty easy for me. 

Man: It’s hard to be in exile. People feel abandoned. They feel a lack of understanding. They feel at a loss, lonely. Your country’s occupied. Are you indifferent to that?

Woman: I can’t stand pointing fingers and raised fists.

Man: So what do you want to do?

Woman: I want to go to lunch. I’m hungry.

Internal conflicts are another story. 

Memories of Kauai have been drawing me away from my cubicle, towards electrified winds and mountain-tops overflowing with waterfalls. My desktop background is an image I snapped during one of the most glorious days of the trip, when I learned to scooter through the island and spent half the day “motorboating Kauai,” just releshing in the magnificent beauty of it all. And look, I am caught in the memory. Before I know it, there is a discord between where I am physically and where I am mentally. Discord -> Conflict. 

How do I see this image, welcome the thoughts, the sensations and not get attached to them? How do I let the memory wash over me, leaving no trace? How do I look out my cubicle window and accept the parking-lot view with equal faith and enthusiasm? Are these clouds any lesser than the clouds of Kauai? Is this sunshine any less bright or beautiful? Is this wind any less electrifying?

In asana practice, I notice my mind wandering away from the sensations and the breath. Same ol’ same ol’ Surya A. I am inhaling & coming up into Urdhva from Chaturanga & all I can think about is the yearning for a deep exhale in Downward Dog. Ahh Release. There is an anticipation and that anticipation breeds conflict. For the minute I am in Downward Dog, I can’t wait (!) for Uttanasana. Ahhh Release! Always the next thing, never the now. 

But I can make the choice to bringing myself back to the  Chaturanga. To feel the sensation in my shoulders, my back. To be aware & present mentally. Instead of pulling myself away when something doesn’t feel right, I can modify my action. Knees, chest, chin, Ashtanga Namaskara. Ahh Delicious! This starts a chain reaction: I am not pressing up to upward dog, I am on finger tips in a deep exaltation-filled Bhujangasana. I press back instead of “performing” a second  Chaturanga. I am not “floating” forward. I am not jumping back. I take deliberate steps and open up to a glorious Anjaneyasana. A standing split. A half moon. My practice unfolds in front of me… sans anticipation, distraction, memory. All of a sudden, there is no conflict, there is only flow. 

I am able to free myself from conflict when I commit my entire self… mind, body, heart… to each and every action. 

…

& now, what is the difference between practice, routine and ritual? what part, if any, does conflict play in these?

Happiness Is…

… when Progress meets Sustainability.

A yoga teacher of mine exclaimed that she could not believe how many of us teachers in training were injured. Every “advanced” clinic/class: it’s shoulder-this, spine-this, hip-this. A case in the Yoga-Injury Pandemic is most perfectly exemplified by this: Confessions of a Type-A Yogi. And apparently it wasn’t always like this.

And now turn your attention to your favorite Business-y news source. Today the top story: “Goldman’s Big Worry:Bank ‘Totally Freaked’ About Volcker Rule, Ups Lobbying.” Scroll down: “[UBS] To Pay Huge Fine In Bid-Rigging Scheme”, “Madoff’s Victims Could Soon Recover Some Losses”, “Deutsche Bank Accused Of Massive Mortgage Fraud By U.S. Government.” It wasn’t always like this, was it?

With all this fan hitting of the shit, we may be covered in crap but we should be damn thankful that we have the opportunity to get to know what crap looks, smells and tastes like. We may be struggling with our mysteriously clicking joints, that sharp ache in our sacroiliac or maybe sympathizing with and trying to understand a fellow student’s pain. We should be thankful that we have these experiences to learn and better our practice from.

As Mos Def put it: We are a live in amazing times / Delicate hearts, diabolic minds

Those headlines are a sign that times a changin’. The shit’s being uncovered for all to see. Lessons are being learned, industries revamped, love-child theories born from interdisciplinary couplings, information spread. See Thinking in systems: how large problems & opportunities unfold. Classes with anatomical models, talk of bulging/herniated L5-S1’s, and the wolf in sheep’s clothing named hypermobility uncovered.

Let us take this time to remind ourselves that our Practice comes down a bit more than just achieving the Hella-Awesome-Asana du jour and in our Occupations, we should strive for something more holistically satisfying than the fat bonus at the end of the fiscal year.

OM Shanti OM

Weaving Wholeness: Fat Tail Finance meets Yoga Philosophy

I stumbled upon my two big passions du jour at around the same time. And they couldn’t seem any more distant from eachother. Finance/Extreme Tail Events/Risk Management/Securitization and Yoga…. can you blame me for assuming the intersection of these two was Null Set? 

I struggled internally and pursued each interest whole heartedly but separately. It wasn’t until my mentor’s philosophy lectures that I realized the many deeply rooted ideas these two Fields shared. I am passionate about both, so clearly it makes sense that there be at least one common thread weaving through. Discovering oodles and oodles of threads made my brain, heart and soul tingle with awesomeness! 

Following is my reflection on a handfull of points brought up during lecture and related quotes by NNTaleb, the dude who brought you Black Swan theory. 

On Math and Technique: Math, formulas, models, techniques – these are not our reality. Nor are they ideals to be placed on pedestals and striven towards. Hints and indicators is what they can be best described as. Making them applicable to the real world takes great leaps of creativity, lead by fierce intuition.

“Mathematics is principally a tool to meditate, rather than to compute.”

When dealing with complex and dynamic systems of which our knowledge is limited (our bodies, the economy, Mother Nature, etc.) we should be wary in applying strictness and brute force. The system has its own set of guiding principles we have yet to grasp, possibly because it is beyond our level of comprehension. The emphasis here should be on working with the system, not against. When knowledge and understanding is limited, intuition is our best guide.  Rules/models/techniques may be applied but with adequate slack and an understanding of their limitations/pitfalls.

“Looking for an exact solution is very commendable, but looking for exactitude in the wrong place makes you […] very, very fragile.”

On Money: Stagnant money stinks. If you have it, enjoy spending it. If you don’t have it, enjoy not having it. How you spend your money, however, is indicative of your values and disvalues.  Do not invest negligibly.  This is a misalignment between your actions and your beliefs; it is precisely the root of the mess that we’re in right now. The perfect alignment of values and investment: an artisanal world. Invest by dirtying your hands and cash-in when you reap the fruits of your labor.

“The first problem is the absence of clawbacks (people make profits hiding risk then get an annual bonus off values at year end when risks explode every 8-15 years; the mismatch between bonuses and frequency of blowups). The second one is the free option granted to managers—upside not downside and transfer of fragility.  My answer: alas, the only robust form is owner operated or matters that escape the agency problem. It becomes obvious… An artisanal world. Privately owned companies, etc.”

On Gifts and Attachment: I have a tendency to hold onto gifts that no longer serve me. Habits. Thought patterns. Body mapping. Regrets. Anxiety. Each time water makes its way through the valley, the groove is reinforced. Lack of mindfulness leads to path dependence and attachment. I string bits and pieces into full blown epics, weaving and reinforcing an image which may only be a mirage. Blinding me from the truth. Observation and meditation can lead to a more fluid, forgiving, open and flexible way.

“One of the best traders I have ever encountered in my life, Nigel Babbage, has the remarkable attribute of being completely free of any path dependence in his beliefs. He exhibits absolutely no embarrassment buying a given currency on a pure impulse, when only hours ago he might have voiced a strong opinion as to its future weakness. What changed his mind? He does not feel obligated to explain it.”

You can separate your feelings from your response to them. By distinguishing your core emotions from those that pile on afterward, you don’t limit your emotional life; on the contrary, you unclutter it. It’s the clutter that leads you away from your true experience and into murkier territory.

Your duty is to recognize that in the midst of radical transformations, the Self remains stable. If you can come to an understanding of this—through asana, breathwork, meditation—you can soothe the discomfort brought on by external changes.

“The yogic thinking is that there’s part of us that’s unchanging—the spiritual part of us that has peace and joy and love. The nature of the world, however, is in flux.”