Reflections: Difficulties

Damn you Sage Koundinya II! Who are you to have such a bitch of a pose dedicated to you? And why is it that seemingly half the room breezes into this pose while I struggle, huff and puff to get myself to progress 1 step past the elementary hip stretch leading up to it??

Ok, I do not curse and I do not huff and I do not puff (or I try not to :), to be honest). Still, struggle saturates my practice as sweat drips from my brow and my foundation wobbles. Regardless, I try my best to find joy in it. Really, that is one of the most valuable lessons from practicing on the mat that I can take off the mat and into my daily life: how to find Joy amidst Difficulties.

When encountering difficulties in some part of life (be it home, work, a relationship, an obligatory trip to the DMV, etc.) it is helpful for me to think of making it my yoga. The inevitable bumps in the road are opportunities for checking in. They are reminders that joy and growth do not always come easily. The unease of difficult conversations & situations is one and the same w/ the sweat drenched yoga towel I would wring out with awe after Bikram class.

Being in a sticky situation is an opportunity to play.

Feel yourself out. Practice with your heart, your body and your mind. Be cognizant of your natural reactions. (Anger? Dissapointment? Frustration? Insecurity? Fear?) Do not judge them. Do not get attached to them. If you can, set aside time to deal with it. Plan and go on with the rest of your day as per usual. Put it down, let it go. And know that when you come back to it, during that scheduled time, and you put in your well-focused energy, faith and enthusiasm you still may get zip & zilch more than what you started with. And that’s okay.

I come back to Eka Pada Koundinyasana II time and time again, rarely getting past the initial deep lunge hip stretch. One time, I walked my front foot out far enough so that the leg lifted off the ground. Beautiful! But my back shin was still firmly rooted on the floor. Argh. I mean, Ommm. I looked around and people were getting it. And were gleaming and happy. While I was just drenched and dissapointed. I backtracked and focused on feeling out and stretching out my hips while calming my Go-Go-Go Ego.

At first, I immediately labeled this pose as a “Can’t.” Not for now, at least. And then around the same time I discovered and labeled Kapotasan as a glorious “Can!” But  really, the difficulty in Sage Koundinya II’s pose is the same as the difficulty in Kapotasana, where my head reaches my heels my and thighs & hips squeal with that delicious mix of pain and pleasure. There really isn’t a “Can” and “Can’t” -“do”. That is because there really isn’t an end-all-be-all of any pose. At least not that I have found. It seems that there is always something more that the yogi can do. Some minor tweak here, a release there, a shift in here. The feeling in my hips and thighs in Kapotasana is an indicator of where I can begin letting go in order to progress. As practitioners, we are all beginners at all and everything, always and forever.

So, here I am, a life-long noob amidst a ‘difficult situation.’ Having scheduled time. Having put it down. Having let it go. Having come back to it at the aforementioned scheduled time and given it my all. Getting Zero. And having put it down, again. Knowing that I have made it my yoga and have practiced it this minute, this hour, this day, etc. to the best of my ability. Adopting this mindset off the mat has been the greatest gift! My savasana commences.

Namaste.